I would waste time and energy fantasizing about relationships with men who I inexplicably found flawless, but in reality were emotionally or physically unavailable. I've spent 10 years interviewing experts on longing, as well as people who've experienced limerence, for my podcast The Longing Lab, TEDx talk, and forthcoming book, "When Longing Becomes Your Lover." The emotional reward was the happy hormone dopamine I'd feel from imagining a relationship together or anticipating a response. Writing it down helped me believe it — and recognize my limerent feelings toward unavailable men as a dead end. I found his love and availability very attractive — something I never would have seen in my 20s and 30s.

---

Persons: —, I've, Lisa Wade's, haven't, Jennifer Douglas, Douglas, I'd Locations: perfectionism