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Search resuls for: "Contributor Dr. Pepper Schwartz"


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As a psychologist and sexologist, we've spent a combined 50 years studying what makes relationships successful. One misconception many people have is that happy couples argue less. When we work with couples who seem to be making no progress in their disagreements, we often suggest they declare a truce and make a plan to communicate better. They each write down what has been bothering them about the other person (and about the relationship itself). In order for this to be effective, couples must establish certain rules of engagement about how these problems will be shared and discussed.
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As a psychologist and sexologist, we've been studying relationships for more than 50 years combined, and we've found that no matter how you slice it, most of them fail because of poor communication. ", psychologist Dr. John Gottman identifies the four most problematic types of communication in relationships, based on his studies of 40,000 couples: Contempt: Expressing a lack of respect for our partners (e.g., name-calling, eye-rolling, ridiculing). Of these four, Gottman says, the biggest predictor of a failed relationship is contempt. How contempt destroys relationshipsContempt makes it impossible for partners to feel like they have each other's back. This often stems from individuals feeling that they are standing up for themselves, which is usually a healthy thing to do.
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