But learning how to give an authentic apology can do wonders for yourself and for the other person.
As communication experts and co-authors of "Say the Right Thing," we've found that people who are good at saying "sorry" avoid two words: "if" and "but."
At its worse, "if" seeks to shift the blame, effectively saying: "I'm sorry if you're so tightly wound that you can't see your reaction is overblown."
For example, if you say, "I'm sorry, but I was having a miserable morning," the other person could wonder if you'll repeat your behavior when you have another bad day.
Another classic form of a "butpology" that attempts to excuse wrongdoing is, "I'm sorry, but I didn't mean it."