Bing, just 73 when he died, was supposed to take care of her, keep the house in good shape and take out the trash. In the 1960s, my mother and her sisters immigrated to Los Angeles after their home country of Indonesia fell into brutal conflict following Dutch decolonization. My mother had been raised with the belief that a woman’s job was to marry well and raise children. My husband tried to stay cheerful, but the rain, my grieving mother and cramped quarters were a bit much. So we cut the visit to Hilo short, and I booked a condo on the sunny side of the island in Waikoloa.

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