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☆ Can I Skip My 100-Year-Old Father’s Wedding? He’s Making a Big Mistake.
▼ + stars: | 2023-11-24 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

My 100-year-old father is about to marry a 75-year-old woman who is a three-time widow. My siblings are going, but I’m heartbroken by what I fear this union will do to our father and our family. I don’t see how I can put on a phony smile and hug a three-time black widow as she marries No. If you’re worried that his health is declining in his 101st year because he isn’t exercising as much, see if there’s a way that you might be able to help with this. Yes, they’re worried that someone is making a bad decision, but they also feel hurt that their perspective hasn’t been properly valued.

Persons: I’ve, he’s, We’ve, Am, You’ve, you’re, they’re

☆ It’s Been Hell Since My In-Laws Moved In. Do I Have to Put Up With It?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-22 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

… Your ex-husband’s fiancée would then have relevant information for deciding whether she wants to go through with the marriage. True, you might be dismissed as untrustworthy, but if they won’t believe the truth, that’s their problem. It seems the most painful part to her is the lies her ex told about her. There is unlikely to be any lasting peace in revealing the truth to the ex-husband’s fiancée, the fiancée’s ex-husband, or anyone else outside the writer’s circle of friends and family. Doing so will invite conflict that may just end up making the writer’s life more difficult and is unlikely to achieve any vindication.

Persons: “, husband’s fiancée, — Lynn ⬥, Maxine ⬥ It’s, can’t, — Lisa ⬥, — Misha ⬥, — Will

☆ My Ex-Husband Was a Cheater. Should I Tell His Fiancée the Truth?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-20 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

He now lives with his fiancée, and it has since come out that they had been dating while we were married. They were both having an affair (she was married, and has several children), yet the fiancée’s ex-husband does not know about their indiscretions. The ex-husband travels extensively with our collective children, my ex and his fiancée, and my kids often ask me why I don’t join them. I’ve also found out that my ex-husband had several ongoing secret relationships with other women during our marriage, though his fiancée believes she was his first and only affair. Conversely, the values of truth and candor guide me in all of my other interpersonal relationships, and keeping such knowledge secret feels duplicitous and unethical.

Persons: I’ve

☆ Our Daughter Makes Money Acting. Should We Save the Same Amount for Her Twin?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-15 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

The rest of the money was put into her college fund. We’re never going to give her more than $100 in cash, because she’s a child, so her college fund is likely to grow fairly quickly. Think, for a moment, about what it means for a government to treat its citizens equally. Because particular citizens have particular needs, some will require more resources than others, but nobody is favored or disfavored simply by virtue of who they are. Perhaps surprisingly, I think it can be helpful to apply this idea to the very different context of family life.

Persons: We’re, Jessie

☆ My Disabled Colleague Is Struggling at Work. Am I Responsible for Her Care?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-13 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

But in the past five years, she has experienced a more rapid deterioration in both cognitive and physical capabilities. She is now struggling with her work in almost every way. We’re concerned that our actions are enabling her to work when she shouldn’t be doing so. — Name WithheldFrom the Ethicist:Your company was right to make reasonable accommodations as your colleague’s health started to decline. (For firms with 15 or more employees, reasonable accommodations for those who can still perform the essential functions of their jobs are also legally required.)

Persons: shouldn’t, Katherine Macfarlane Organizations: Syracuse University College of Law

☆ My Mother Is a Hoarder. Do I Have to Help Her?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-08 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

Readers RespondLast week’s question was from a reader who was concerned about an apparently unregistered dog breeding operation run by her neighbors. She wrote: “Our house looks out onto the yard where our neighbors let the dogs out sporadically throughout the day. The dogs don’t appear to be mistreated or malnourished, but there seem to be more than 26 total — exceeding the limit in our state for both owning and selling without a license. … These neighbors are a family who don’t speak much English, and I don’t know what the job prospects would be for the two parents outside of dog breeding. — Baily⬥I agree about the dog breeding operation.

Persons: ⬥, Joe ⬥, — Baily ⬥, — Van Organizations: State Department of Agriculture

☆ My Neighbors Are Illegally Breeding Dogs. Do I Report Them?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-06 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

I live across the street from an apparently unregistered dog-breeding operation run by our neighbors. Our house looks out onto the yard where our neighbors let the dogs out sporadically throughout the day. The dogs don’t appear to be mistreated or malnourished, but there seem to be more than 26 total — exceeding the limit in our state for both owning and selling without a license. These neighbors are a family who don’t speak much English, and I don’t know what the job prospects would be for the two parents outside of dog breeding. — Name Withheld, PennsylvaniaFrom the Ethicist:You shouldn’t just assume that your neighbors can’t make a legal living, however limited their English.

Persons: I’m Organizations: State Department of Agriculture Locations: Pennsylvania

☆ I’m Dying of Cancer. Do I Have to Tell Anyone?
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-01 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

My doctor recently gave me the news that the cancer I was treated for last year has returned and metastasized. I have started a course of immunotherapy treatments that, hopefully, should keep the cancer at bay for roughly the next two years. I have not told my wife, my son or any of my friends about this. By depriving your loved ones of the facts, you deprive them of the chance to face the future together with you. Because your diagnosis affects their lives as well, I hope you’ll let them come to terms with this important truth.

Persons: —

☆ My Girlfriend Wants a Real Diamond Ring. Can It Be Lab-Grown Instead?
▼ + stars: | 2023-08-30 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +3 min

A Bonus QuestionFor 40 years I’ve worked as a purser for one of the world’s largest airlines. Nothing in my career has troubled me as much as the recent requirement to push the company credit card on passengers. I feel that Americans are already up to their eyeballs in debt and pushing more debt onto them is usurious and unethical. Credit cards can indeed be very costly for borrowers — and, in turn, very profitable for lenders. The real reason major airlines are pushing credit cards, after all, is that payments from the banks with which they partner have become among their biggest sources of revenue.

Persons: I’ve, I’m, ’ Organizations: —

☆ My Friend Is Trapped in a Nursing Home. What Can I Do?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-28 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

The job involved handling paperwork that clients could no longer handle themselves, thus helping enable them to remain at home. I came to learn that this woman had no family or friends left, and she came to think of me as her only friend. She was taken to the hospital, treated and then sent to a rehabilitation center in a nursing home. and is now in a guardianship arrangement under the care of the nursing home, I can no longer legally pay her bills or take care of any paperwork. She has been deemed incompetent by the nursing home and therefore can’t name me as a contact.

Organizations: Protective Services

☆ My Friend Is Mistreating Her Nanny. Should I Say Something?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-26 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +3 min

My friend’s nanny is good friends with my own nanny. This friend introduced me to her circle of friends a few years ago, and it’s because of her that I am part of a great group of women. Should I intervene and risk her behaving even worse toward her nannies and creating a rift in the friend circle? If you live in one of these jurisdictions, you could give your friend’s nanny the phone number of the office in the labor department that investigates such cases. But this line of approach probably makes sense only if the nanny is ready to move on.

Persons: nannies, Let’s, you’ve, that’s

☆ Does My Fiancé Love Me, or Does He Just Want U.S. Citizenship?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-21 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

On a trip home five years ago, I met an Egyptian man much younger than me. We fell in love and decided to marry so we could be together in an open and free society. I applied for him to come to the United States as my fiancé. During that time, I traveled to Egypt every four to six months so we could be together. Either he loves you for you or he wants a better life.

Organizations: U.S, Embassy, Rights Watch Locations: Egyptian, United States, Cairo, Egypt

☆ Is It Ever Morally Acceptable to Visit a Confederate Historical Site?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-19 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

I recently moved back home to Biloxi, Miss., and I’m wondering about visiting the lavish grounds of Beauvoir, the historical site and home of Jefferson Davis, the president of the Confederate States of America. I also enjoy history and historical sites, however, and Beauvoir is the biggest one in the area by far. Is it ethical to pay an admission fee and visit this historical site? — JacobFrom the Ethicist:What can you say about the Sons of Confederate Veterans? But at Brierfield and at the White House of the Confederacy, Davis appears to have believed that he was a benevolent master to the Black people he considered property.

Persons: Beauvoir, Jefferson Davis, ” Jefferson, Jacob, Nathan Bedford Forrest, ”, It’s, Davis, “ Organizations: Confederate Veterans, “, Confederate, Ku Klux Klan, National Confederate Museum, White, Confederacy, Smithsonian Locations: Biloxi, Miss, Confederate States, America, Mississippi, Columbia, Tenn, Beauvoir, Brierfield

☆ My Salary Is Too High. Is It Wrong to Stay in My Job?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-14 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

I was very underpaid previously and nearly doubled my salary in this new role. Because this role is outside my field of expertise, however, my job satisfaction is not nearly as high as it was in my previous job. What worries me is that my salary is about 20 to 30 percent higher than comparable jobs at similar organizations. In previous jobs, my passion for the field made me take on extra tasks and work extra hours. Am I doing wrong by using up extra resources at a job where I am not willing to go above and beyond?

Persons: it’s, —

☆ I Dated a Celebrity. Do I Have to Tell My Wife?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-12 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

I’ve been married for nearly 40 years, and for no particular reason, neither my wife nor I felt compelled to share much about our prior love lives. There was nothing much noteworthy to share on my part, but that changed about three years into the marriage. Not long ago, my wife remarked that I am a “big fan.” I smiled, nodded and changed the subject. My fear is that sharing this connection with my wife would jeopardize my continued enjoyment of this artist’s body of work. Some couples believe in telling each other every detail about their past; you and your wife have settled into a different habit.

Persons: I’ve, I, ”, nodded, I’m

☆ Can I Use ChatGPT for the Tedious Parts of My Job?
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-07 | by ( Kwame Anthony Appiah | More About Kwame Anthony Appiah | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

I’m a writer and a college professor at a small college, and I recently became chair of the English department. Is it OK to use ChatGPT to generate drafts of documents like these, which don’t make a claim to creative “genius”? Do I need to cite ChatGPT in these documents if I use it? What you would be doing with ChatGPT isn’t so different. For an annual report, you might prompt it with specifics about job searches, departmental priorities, student concerns, revisions of the curriculum and so forth.

Persons: I’m, aren’t, ChatGPT

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